Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconcarmalain7: More from Carmalain7


Featured in Collections

Accepted DLD Suggestions by TwilightPoetess

Suggested DLD's and DLR's by SilverInkblot

Poetry by SurrealCachinnation


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
October 20, 2013
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,225
Favourites
91 (who?)
Comments
100
×
I: Halfsleeper

                        I fell in love, once.

A snowstorm melting from my hair - dripping cataract:
            diluted coffee. A dark room filled with language
so beautiful, I almost understood what was said.

Children are getting younger, and this land has no end,
            where do you rest your head?


All things are in a constant state of vibration,
            a harmony in the space between
                        our fingers. our hands.
            I’ve only ever stopped to listen at night:
two a.m. train rides, staring at fields as they pass my window,
touching the glass to make sure it's real – half hoping to fall through
            before being tapped on the shoulder and woken up.


            All the while, Summer is slipping away.
                        no, is gone.




II: I Hope You'll Pick Me Out


            ”You know, cataracts are beautiful”
                                    you said,

                        ”Pain is beauty.”


Blurry eyed, I said I didn’t. and I don’t.




III: These Fires Make the World Burn Brighter

            I enjoy chasing sunspots to the edges of my perception,
they pretend to chase me back, but I know they're just trying to make me feel better
                        while I search for you.

All I remember now is how much my fingertips stung.

            I always wondered if this was Heaven,
                        or just Atlantic City -
but there was something so poetic about not knowing,

so I choose to not know that most of my favorite stars in the sky
                        are now dead.
på toget i den forkerte sted.

I cried the first time I ever wrote anything.
I'm still not sure it ever really happened at all.

Inspiration: :iconintricately-ordinary: *intricately-ordinary's Before I Can Become a WriterDevelop insomnia. Develop
problems with substance abuse,
nothing serious, but enough
that I can say “write drunk,
edit sober” and mean it.
Drink tea. Write about drinking
tea. Take up smoking, ignore
the thoughts about it being
a slower suicide. Write about
suicide. Don’t mean it.
Write about sunsets and
ink veins. Mean it.
Fall in love with someone
who will never love me back.
Lament. Write a million
crappy poems and two good
ones. Never show him.
Move on. Write a few more
bad poems. Fall in love with
someone perfect. Screw it up.
Fall in love with someone awful.
Call him perfect. Screw it up.
Cry. Cry for the inevitable,
the way my family never
loved me right, the way my
first kiss was regrettable
at best, the way my therapist
says my depression is a demon
taking over me. Cry for the
changeable, the way
I hate my body and my writing
and everything I live to be.
Use clichés. Live clichés,
breathe clichés, be
a cliché. Write a poem
about ho


and all of these; every person has a story, every story told here captures another aspect of being alive. I've read them all, no two are the same, but I find something to relate to in each. No matter what you're looking for - be it satire, truth, honesty, emotion, peace, raw beauty, or better writing than my own - you will find it all here. Share people's joys and hardships, loves and losses, curiosities and failures, births & rebirths & and rebirths still. The human condition: no one is alone. I love you all.

*haphazardmelody - Why
=your-methamphetamine - how to be a writer
~WriteWhileDreaming - Before I Can Become a Writer
~chewyraezen - Before I can become a writer
*Hanajiofcards - Before I can become a writer
~xXSpiritualArtistXx - Before You Can Become A Writer
~buttons-and-bicycles - Before I Can Become a Writer
=Shpuggy - Before I Can Become a Writer
~KaizenKitty - Hope
=ssolaris - On How to Write Poetry
~DanekaBR - Before I Can Feel Normal Again
~industrialized-hippy - The Thrill of the Story
~JayDanjerCobain - Before I Can Become a Writer
`LiliWrites - The Answer is Yes
~squonkhunter - To Write
Add a Comment:
 

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know when I started crying. But god. Halfsleeper resonated so deep in my ribs, it almost hurt to breathe. That set of lines: "A dark room filled with language/so beautiful, I almost understood what was said." I wish I had the same beauty of words to describe how gorgeous this was.. how impactful. I feel I almost can relate, but since I did not comprehend the words in the memory of a past, I guess I don't know if it matches up correctly. But I do know that line stole my breath.

Because I'm a nerd, I also really loved that you gave note to the fact all of these stars we adore and love might be dead, waiting for the billion years it takes for the light (or lack thereof) to travel and to go out in our small little globe. I thought maybe I was the only one that looked up at the sky and wondered which had died, their apparition waiting to be smudged into the skyline. So I adored reading that part! I don't feel like such an oddball, at least, ha (:

I liked the fact that you put these different sections together, and it flowed into this bittersweet story that only pulled from me more tears. I only wish I had words... you are a beautiful soul. I'm sorry that I'm too speechless to say why. Fantastic job, though, and I must say that perhaps you are not your definition of a writer... but your exquisite pen tells a different story to your readers. But then again, I'm not my definition of a writer, either. Perhaps that is the writer's condition? Anyway, great job! So far, I've enjoyed the pieces that I've read from you!
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2014
If the line stole your breath, than you can probably relate. The memory is hazy with blizzard blinds and laden with a coffee roast taste to the air, but I know that it is also mostly nostalgic and certainly breathtaking.

My favorite stars are probably dead. I love the very brightest stars, those that are burning into their death-throes. Remember what she said? Pain is beauty. It's all connected. 

Remember, fair miss, sometimes there are no words, and that's ok because there needn't always be words; silence is good sometimes, too. Sometimes, not being able to say anything, is saying everything you could ever mean just in the act of trying and not quite getting there. 

My pen probably tells that story because it was made for writing, I, however, was not. But my pen helps me from time to time to attempt to put words to experience and that's why he's a good friend.

You're too kind. Thank you, I'm inexorably honored.
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love the brightest stars, as well. There's this one just right of Orion's belt (which also morphs into a "keep your chin up" arrow sometimes when I'm feeling down)... I love looking for it, until it hides behind our mountains, of course, and I have to wait for it to resurface. But I also love just staring off, letting them all blur, and imagining they are holes in the universe. It's a delight, though, when the night is good enough for all of them to be shining, and to feel like you are surrounded by fireflies and stardust. I love stargazing... it calms me a lot, actually :love:. When I can spot shooting stars, it's awesome, too! Weird or not, I also count satellites :shrug: gives my mind more to think about than worrying or breathing.

Yes, I completely agree. I suppose maybe I feel the need to express everything I'm thinking to make up for all the years I spent in silence. But I will agree: so many of the most precious and memorable moments are those without words. Sometimes, they're just the little things, too... and what beautiful moments those are.

I'm glad you're friends! :love:. Because my whole goal in writing is to turn the ugly into something beautiful (or as close as my inexperienced self can get it), sometimes my pen is myself, but oh how we hate each other at times. Especially when he refuses to make words. But I suppose writer's block is a part of every writer's life! It's an obstacle that makes us treasure the times when the words and transitions flow like honey.

I am only responding to the kindness you've given me, so please know it is entirely deserved! It's entirely my pleasure to write these messages :heart: I really love getting to know people and appreciating art! (: I'm really just glad to hear you like these things I write!
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014
I grew up in the city of Atlanta, so when I was a kid I hardly see any stars because of the light pollution and I didn't get outside the city much; that's why the brightest stars are my favorites, they're the only ones that have been with me my whole life. 

Pro-tip: take a moment to breathe on manual and feel yourself take in the air, and your lungs inflate, and your chest expand, and exhale, and take in the moment around you - no matter what it brings (happiness, sorrow, surprise, elation, fear, etc., any combination thereof), this moment will never exist again. If anything, appreciate it for that - you are the only one experiencing a moment that only exists now; but you are also always experiencing that.

That is how you should always know that you are special, you have a life time of moments made just for you and no one else.
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That's a wonderful way to put it. I'm glad they were able to provide a consistency. I feel the same for other passions such as music and nature.

Thank you for this tip. I've been trying it... and I cannot explain. There are days I am feeling weighted, or not grateful at all for this life, and I close my eyes... inhale, exhale "this moment only comes once and is a blessing," and boom! I instantly feel rejuvenated and excited for life and for the moment I am in. I feel embarrassed that I had not discovered this before, so I really appreciate you sharing your knowledge. I shall try to be the most grateful person I can be!

Thank you. I feel I may have overstayed my welcome here, so I shall retreat back to my small corner of the internet and thank you for letting me infringe upon yours. It truly was a joy (:
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014
This is no private residence, and I'm absolutely honored to have you. Infringe upon my corner anytime you please, good miss, it's entirely my pleasure. =D
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I just don't want to make myself more of a burden than a chat-companion :giggle:. So, I'll slink away for now. I look forward to reading more of your works soon, though! Just know you do not have to reply, at all. Sometimes, I just like to remind people that I appreciate them and their art. (: (:
Best wishes, kind soul. :thanks:
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2014
If you ever became a burden, I'd both be amazed and would tell you long beforehand - I wouldn't worry about it, miss, you've got enough actual 'could feasibly happen' things to worry about without an added 'not possible' thing.

But yes, you're great. Don't ever sell yourself short.
Reply
:iconilyilaice:
ilyilaice Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2014
The first part especially made me not want to look away. So I didn't.
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2014
If there were a single most important part for a writer to engage you, I would have to favor it being the first. Thank you for the words, good miss, I'm honored that my writing kept your eyes busy, at least for a bit anyway.
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2014   General Artist
Goodness this is a beautiful, bittersweet read! :love:
I could almost taste the frustration and agony in the first and second part as if it was always there, in the back of my palate. :clap:
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2014
All things are what they are, no need to let them bother you, just keep being as well, yeah?
That said, what I am and what I will continue being is honored, you give me too much praise, good miss. ;p
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014   General Artist
oh but they have always existed like dormant volcanoes in the back of my head
but pish posh if i were to ever let my demons get the better of me! :heart:
oh but dearest friend, you simply deserve all and more for i have yet to find
a talent and style anywhere similarly deep and thorough as yours.
cheers to the beautiful human mind, the English language,
and the glory of the written word! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconakrasiel:
akrasiel Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2014   General Artist
I really enjoy the imagery in Halfsleeper. I know those late-night transit rides too well.

I thought the line about Heaven and Atlantic City was my favourite, and then I read the next line and - ooof. That's the kind of closing line that leaves a mark.
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2014
There was close to a year there where I was on transit about 3 hours a day - it's interesting how much those trains, buses, and metros start to feel like home after a few months of that.

Thank you, thank you. I always try to make a concerted effort to show the reader they've reached an end. I'm an ambler in my early drafts of anything (and by nature), so all later drafts are always an effort to erase as much of that as I can.

So glad you enjoyed it; I'm honored. :thanks:
Reply
:icontheastrologist:
TheAstrologist Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014
This is extremely beautiful.
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014
I'm not quite sure how you stumbled upon my humble writing, but I'm so honored to be graced with such praise. Thank you so much (both for the read and the comment). :thanks:
Reply
:icontheastrologist:
TheAstrologist Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014
I saw your comment on DailyLitDeviations's journal. That's how I found your page. :)

And you're very welcome. :huggle:
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
What an honor, though a bit on the bitter sweet side considering the circumstances surrounding your finding me. Regardless , thank you so much for the read and I truly am glad that my writing found a chord with you and that you conveyed that to me, it means a lot. Thank you, miss. :thanks:
Reply
:icontheastrologist:
TheAstrologist Featured By Owner May 27, 2014
No problem :) :tighthug:
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014   Writer
A very fine piece. I like it a lot. I wonder if you have a typo in the line "Blurry eyed, I said I didn't. [A]nd I don't." The capital letter is in lower case, which may what you want but strikes me as a typo. The firm lines are very pleasing. Thank you. :+fav:
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014
Crazily enough, I actually wanted that to be lowercase. I'm not usually the type of guy to forsake such things, but it needed to be done there. Also, thank you thank you, sir. I can never undervalue the praise of such a well-read and - at least on my end - well respected writer; it means a lot.
:thanks:
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014   Writer
Now I see why. I've got to concentrate more here. Good choice to use lower case.
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014   Writer
Ah. Interesting. I'll have to read it again now to see why. Altogether I like this very much. :blushes:  ..but I'm not all that respectable. :lol:
Reply
:iconcionie:
Cionie Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Professional General Artist
This is something very special. I hope you continue to tell your story like this. It's the most beautiful way to connect with strangers :)
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
All strangers have different tastes and forms that they like to view things in, so I can make no promises on that front, but to have a stranger tell me something as honoring and beautiful as this is super humbling. What I'm trying to say is, you're the best; thank you so very much.
Reply
:iconcionie:
Cionie Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Professional General Artist
Of course! :heart:
Reply
:iconnightnocturne78:
nightnocturne78 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the last line: "so I choose to not know that most of my favorite stars in the sky are now dead" very powerful. This is a great piece.
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013
Thank you, I'm glad it was a strong summation of the piece for you. I'm definitely known to be very picky about lines, but I'm especially hard on myself in regards to the last line of any piece, so to have it stand out to a reader truly does mean a lot.
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is absolutely phenomenal. So different than many of the other response poems I've been reading, and just so so good. :+fav:
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
Yeah, I'm definitely not as talented as the other writers who wrote on this topic in the whole raw and emotional writing style, so I really just tried to stay true to my experiences and still somehow also meet the question. It was difficult, but I'm happy with the result.

So elated that you enjoyed it to the point of a double "so"! It means a lot. =D
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I was definitely not implying that you're not as talented as the other writers! I really enjoyed this, you put your unique perspective into it, and I love that about this. You are absolutely talented.
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
Oh no, I didn't think that at all, I simply know that I'm not gifted in writing that style of poetry - not in the slightest. Not that I'm not talented, just that I'm not sure I ever will be in that capacity. But thank you, some day I'll need that, I know. =D
Reply
:iconpomohippie7:
pomohippie7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013   Writer
Congratulation on your DLD! :clap:
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
Thank you so much, good miss.

Last I saw, you were having your poems translated into different languages, introducing yourself to the literary publication world, and just overall being a delightful person. Hope that's all still going super well and that being 26 has brought with it a breath of fresh air and new wisdom. =D
Reply
:iconpomohippie7:
pomohippie7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013   Writer
You're quite welcome, you good sir, you. :flirty:

Oh, it's all going splendidly and I am quite happy for that. And 26 has been a lot like 25 but more and more comfortable in myself and that is extremely nice. I saw you put out a live E.P.; quite impressive! There was so much energy and life in it! And Wake Leviathan, wonderful, wonderful band name. I hope all is well and that the time with your family was great. :)
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
I think a year is such a strange space of time to try and measure growth and feeling because, while some years can be very significant, most seem quite similar under such a finite scope. That said, internal comfort, what a great birthday gift to be receiving; you're easily a year wiser with just that alone, how nice indeed!

And yeah, what a great gift I was rewarded with there, right? I couldn't have ever asked for anything more in my life. I can't possibly impart to you how long it took for us to get to that name, but I can tell you that when discovered, we settled on it pretty quick - so freaking perfect.

But yeah, now it's on to the seemingly eternal search for new musicians to collaborate and make music with. I've been writing all sorts of strange things lately so I think my musical journey will be shaped a lot by the person/people I find next in my life, and that's super exciting for sure.
Reply
:iconpomohippie7:
pomohippie7 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013   Writer
It is very nice. Each year I become more comfortable with myself and within myself; my wants and needs are much more realized and the path to take towards those things is easier to find and follow.

It is perfect and I bet that 'click' was almost deliciously palatable.

I would be absolutely excited, beyond belief. To be able to create such things has to be amazing.
Reply
:iconkyanitearcher:
KyaniteArcher Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Breathtaking from the very first line to the last. Your style is wonderful- flowing, much like prose but definitely poetry at the same time. :)
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
Oh man, :blush:, stop it, you're too kind.

On an unrelated note, I saw that you were forming a band, that's so exciting! I know I would die of happiness if I found a violinist to play with myself, and y'all have three! :faint:
Want to send one over stateside for those in need? =D Definitely nothing but the best of luck to you and all your future endeavors.
Reply
:iconkyanitearcher:
KyaniteArcher Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahaha... wow, long reply. Thoughtful of ya to visit every deviant's page who commented on your work and reply with something nice. ^-^

Three's a crowd. XD You play violin? Saw something about your band, Wake Leviathan in the comments. I agree with that guy- awesome name. :D
You, too. :)
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2013
I do try, I really do feel it's worth it when people took the effort and time to read my writing to make sure I try to let them at least know a fraction of how thankful I am by being open to them. But sadly no, I don't play the violin (I wish), I'm a guitarist. I just wish I had a violinist to play with, it's such a beautiful instrument.

And thank you so much! Yeah, names are tough, but it makes it extra special when you find that name that fits.
Reply
:iconkyanitearcher:
KyaniteArcher Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It does let them know that you're thankful, yeah. Haha, I'm terrible with stringed instruments- I tried to do a pizzicato-like pluck on the guitar, much to the amusement of our own guitarist. Violin sounds really cool if you know how to play it right. Hope you'll be able to play with a violinist one day. ^_^

Agreed. :)
Reply
:iconpossumfan:
PossumFan Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is very pretty.

+ fave
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
Thank you so much, kind miss, I know this piece certainly appreciates the kind words. :thanks:
Reply
:iconpossumfan:
PossumFan Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome.
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2013   Writer
:+fav: Congrats on the DLD "Pick of the Day"! The last line hits hard. You led up to it in an amazing way. Thanks.
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
LJ, sometimes I seriously do believe that you are more constant than the stars; what a delight it is that you exist.

Thank you so much for the high praise - I'm a sucker for spending way too much time crafting the last line, so it's especially nice to hear - and I hope all is well on your end.
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013   Writer
I have no idea how to reply to your response. Except thank you very much! :iconsparklesplz:
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
And sparkles, never forget the sparkles. =D
Reply
Add a Comment: