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Submitted on
October 20, 2013
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I: Halfsleeper

                        I fell in love, once.

A snowstorm melting from my hair - dripping cataract:
            diluted coffee. A dark room filled with language
so beautiful, I almost understood what was said.

Children are getting younger, and this land has no end,
            where do you rest your head?


All things are in a constant state of vibration,
            a harmony in the space between
                        our fingers. our hands.
            I’ve only ever stopped to listen at night:
two a.m. train rides, staring at fields as they pass my window,
touching the glass to make sure it's real – half hoping to fall through
            before being tapped on the shoulder and woken up.


            All the while, Summer is slipping away.
                        no, is gone.




II: I Hope You'll Pick Me Out


            ”You know, cataracts are beautiful”
                                    you said,

                        ”Pain is beauty.”


Blurry eyed, I said I didn’t. and I don’t.




III: These Fires Make the World Burn Brighter

            I enjoy chasing sunspots to the edges of my perception,
they pretend to chase me back, but I know they're just trying to make me feel better
                        while I search for you.

All I remember now is how much my fingertips stung.

            I always wondered if this was Heaven,
                        or just Atlantic City -
but there was something so poetic about not knowing,

so I choose to not know that most of my favorite stars in the sky
                        are long dead.
på toget i den forkerte sted.

I cried the first time I ever wrote anything.
I'm still not sure it ever really happened at all.

Inspiration: :iconintricately-ordinary: *intricately-ordinary's Before I Can Become a WriterDevelop insomnia. Develop
problems with substance abuse,
nothing serious, but enough
that I can say “write drunk,
edit sober” and mean it.
Drink tea. Write about drinking
tea. Take up smoking, ignore
the thoughts about it being
a slower suicide. Write about
suicide. Don’t mean it.
Write about sunsets and
ink veins. Mean it.
Fall in love with someone
who will never love me back.
Lament. Write a million
crappy poems and two good
ones. Never show him.
Move on. Write a few more
bad poems. Fall in love with
someone perfect. Screw it up.
Fall in love with someone awful.
Call him perfect. Screw it up.
Cry. Cry for the inevitable,
the way my family never
loved me right, the way my
first kiss was regrettable
at best, the way my therapist
says my depression is a demon
taking over me. Cry for the
changeable, the way
I hate my body and my writing
and everything I live to be.
Use clichés. Live clichés,
breathe clichés, be
a cliché. Write a poem
about ho


and all of these; every person has a story, every story told here captures another aspect of being alive. I've read them all, no two are the same, but I find something to relate to in each. No matter what you're looking for - be it satire, truth, honesty, emotion, peace, raw beauty, or better writing than my own - you will find it all here. Share people's joys and hardships, loves and losses, curiosities and failures, births & rebirths & and rebirths still. The human condition: no one is alone. I love you all.

*haphazardmelody - Why
=your-methamphetamine - how to be a writer
~WriteWhileDreaming - Before I Can Become a Writer
~chewyraezen - Before I can become a writer
*Hanajiofcards - Before I can become a writer
~xXSpiritualArtistXx - Before You Can Become A Writer
~buttons-and-bicycles - Before I Can Become a Writer
=Shpuggy - Before I Can Become a Writer
~KaizenKitty - Hope
=ssolaris - On How to Write Poetry
~DanekaBR - Before I Can Feel Normal Again
~industrialized-hippy - The Thrill of the Story
~JayDanjerCobain - Before I Can Become a Writer
`LiliWrites - The Answer is Yes
~squonkhunter - To Write
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know when I started crying. But god. Halfsleeper resonated so deep in my ribs, it almost hurt to breathe. That set of lines: "A dark room filled with language/so beautiful, I almost understood what was said." I wish I had the same beauty of words to describe how gorgeous this was.. how impactful. I feel I almost can relate, but since I did not comprehend the words in the memory of a past, I guess I don't know if it matches up correctly. But I do know that line stole my breath.

Because I'm a nerd, I also really loved that you gave note to the fact all of these stars we adore and love might be dead, waiting for the billion years it takes for the light (or lack thereof) to travel and to go out in our small little globe. I thought maybe I was the only one that looked up at the sky and wondered which had died, their apparition waiting to be smudged into the skyline. So I adored reading that part! I don't feel like such an oddball, at least, ha (:

I liked the fact that you put these different sections together, and it flowed into this bittersweet story that only pulled from me more tears. I only wish I had words... you are a beautiful soul. I'm sorry that I'm too speechless to say why. Fantastic job, though, and I must say that perhaps you are not your definition of a writer... but your exquisite pen tells a different story to your readers. But then again, I'm not my definition of a writer, either. Perhaps that is the writer's condition? Anyway, great job! So far, I've enjoyed the pieces that I've read from you!
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:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2014
If the line stole your breath, than you can probably relate. The memory is hazy with blizzard blinds and laden with a coffee roast taste to the air, but I know that it is also mostly nostalgic and certainly breathtaking.

My favorite stars are probably dead. I love the very brightest stars, those that are burning into their death-throes. Remember what she said? Pain is beauty. It's all connected. 

Remember, fair miss, sometimes there are no words, and that's ok because there needn't always be words; silence is good sometimes, too. Sometimes, not being able to say anything, is saying everything you could ever mean just in the act of trying and not quite getting there. 

My pen probably tells that story because it was made for writing, I, however, was not. But my pen helps me from time to time to attempt to put words to experience and that's why he's a good friend.

You're too kind. Thank you, I'm inexorably honored.
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love the brightest stars, as well. There's this one just right of Orion's belt (which also morphs into a "keep your chin up" arrow sometimes when I'm feeling down)... I love looking for it, until it hides behind our mountains, of course, and I have to wait for it to resurface. But I also love just staring off, letting them all blur, and imagining they are holes in the universe. It's a delight, though, when the night is good enough for all of them to be shining, and to feel like you are surrounded by fireflies and stardust. I love stargazing... it calms me a lot, actually :love:. When I can spot shooting stars, it's awesome, too! Weird or not, I also count satellites :shrug: gives my mind more to think about than worrying or breathing.

Yes, I completely agree. I suppose maybe I feel the need to express everything I'm thinking to make up for all the years I spent in silence. But I will agree: so many of the most precious and memorable moments are those without words. Sometimes, they're just the little things, too... and what beautiful moments those are.

I'm glad you're friends! :love:. Because my whole goal in writing is to turn the ugly into something beautiful (or as close as my inexperienced self can get it), sometimes my pen is myself, but oh how we hate each other at times. Especially when he refuses to make words. But I suppose writer's block is a part of every writer's life! It's an obstacle that makes us treasure the times when the words and transitions flow like honey.

I am only responding to the kindness you've given me, so please know it is entirely deserved! It's entirely my pleasure to write these messages :heart: I really love getting to know people and appreciating art! (: I'm really just glad to hear you like these things I write!
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:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014
I grew up in the city of Atlanta, so when I was a kid I hardly see any stars because of the light pollution and I didn't get outside the city much; that's why the brightest stars are my favorites, they're the only ones that have been with me my whole life. 

Pro-tip: take a moment to breathe on manual and feel yourself take in the air, and your lungs inflate, and your chest expand, and exhale, and take in the moment around you - no matter what it brings (happiness, sorrow, surprise, elation, fear, etc., any combination thereof), this moment will never exist again. If anything, appreciate it for that - you are the only one experiencing a moment that only exists now; but you are also always experiencing that.

That is how you should always know that you are special, you have a life time of moments made just for you and no one else.
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That's a wonderful way to put it. I'm glad they were able to provide a consistency. I feel the same for other passions such as music and nature.

Thank you for this tip. I've been trying it... and I cannot explain. There are days I am feeling weighted, or not grateful at all for this life, and I close my eyes... inhale, exhale "this moment only comes once and is a blessing," and boom! I instantly feel rejuvenated and excited for life and for the moment I am in. I feel embarrassed that I had not discovered this before, so I really appreciate you sharing your knowledge. I shall try to be the most grateful person I can be!

Thank you. I feel I may have overstayed my welcome here, so I shall retreat back to my small corner of the internet and thank you for letting me infringe upon yours. It truly was a joy (:
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:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014
This is no private residence, and I'm absolutely honored to have you. Infringe upon my corner anytime you please, good miss, it's entirely my pleasure. =D
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I just don't want to make myself more of a burden than a chat-companion :giggle:. So, I'll slink away for now. I look forward to reading more of your works soon, though! Just know you do not have to reply, at all. Sometimes, I just like to remind people that I appreciate them and their art. (: (:
Best wishes, kind soul. :thanks:
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:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2014
If you ever became a burden, I'd both be amazed and would tell you long beforehand - I wouldn't worry about it, miss, you've got enough actual 'could feasibly happen' things to worry about without an added 'not possible' thing.

But yes, you're great. Don't ever sell yourself short.
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:iconilyilaice:
ilyilaice Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2014
The first part especially made me not want to look away. So I didn't.
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:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2014
If there were a single most important part for a writer to engage you, I would have to favor it being the first. Thank you for the words, good miss, I'm honored that my writing kept your eyes busy, at least for a bit anyway.
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